i am pretty sure that i have a fear of success. i believe that i am absolutely TERRIFIED of succeeding. it is not that i don't want to succeed, it is just that i feel more comfortable when there are problems to solve. i actually enjoy the challenge of troubleshooting, as opposed to bliss. I am most happiest when i know i am helping/contributing. so perhaps you are wondering what brought about this change of topic. well i'll tell you. and if you weren't wondering what brought this about, then read no further!
i am a very intelligent person. this is not bragging. it is something that i am coming to terms with as we speak. i know i am not dumb, nor mentally challenged. so why is it that i am not achieving the highest marks in school? well aside from the fact that i spent the first 3 years of college partying, i have only one explanation (not to be confused with an EXCUSE): i am afraid of success. i have tried to get high marks in my classes. i overcame a disastrous complex that kept me from asking questions, i became a participant of all my classes, not dominating conversations, but actually contributing. paying attention and showing up really played a major part in all of this. and yet, not a single A! i came close one quarter, but i ended up sabatoging that grade down to a B. i have vowed to work harder this quarter. i know i can come away with straight A's. i have identified the problem, and now i am seeking some advice. if anyone out there knows what it is like to be in my position, and has overcome it, please let me know some pointers. let me give you a little background about myself and my scholarly habits:
i am single, no kids, and up to this point live with my parents. i have had only one bad run-in with drugs, and i rehabbed myself, with no relapses or the craving to want to relapse (i am fortunate)
i was a straight A student in school back when i was made to sit down and do my homework. right now in the present, i manage to make it 3/4 of the way through the quarter and then i fall apart. i maintain a high A average right up to the point that i see the finish line. and then i give up.
please let me know if you have some good advice that worked for yourself. i prefer personal experiences only. first-hand knowledge is a powerful thing. my quarter starts soon, so the sooner the better.
thanks for all of your support! blog later!